Colleges say that today’s students arrive less prepared to handle tasks independently. Whether that's because of helicopter parenting (I get it-we all want our kids to be successful), teachers offering 2nd and 3rd chances to raise a grade, using AI to do work that requires thinking, or checking off tasks completed, filling in their test scores and admissions decisions in our software system (I take responsibility for that one), students count on the safety net for their responsibilities. At Less College Stress Consulting, we focus on the following:
Teaching proactivity: When I advise a student to reach out to admissions reps, make appointments, schedule interviews, and they do this on their own (that’s what colleges want to see…when I email reps, they ask for the student to contact them), it proves maturity and readiness to be successful if admitted.
Approaching essays honestly: Writing demonstrates a logical thought process, so it is a major indicator of future college success. Can a student write a first draft after we draw them out and give them all the details and structure they need? Cohesive writing is considered a basic skill at college regardless of major. AI essays are (at least at this point) generally detectable because they are polished, but impersonal and vague. College standards are higher and plagiarism may have more severe consequences than it does in high school.
Brainstorming extracurricular activity ideas: When we brainstorm, I ask “What interests you? “What are you curious about?” “Why?” Students who continue that conversation will found/join organizations, compete academically, or create opportunities for others to learn and grow. At college, they become leaders/creators, engage with their professors and peers, and earn opportunities for research and internships before thoughtfully considering careers.
At every level, skills start with independent critical thinking–learning to know one’s self. While some students need more support, that’s fine. In the college counseling process, we encourage all students to work independently and dig deeper to help them build skills for college and career success.
After most ED 1 Decisions, some students are happy, others disappointed.
My seniors have worked hard, perfecting applications since the spring. Together, we crafted essays that express their defining qualities and boosted, and fine-tuned, attention-getting activity lists. I helped them honestly choose majors (including undeclared/exploratory) that speak to their direction. We balanced college lists between Likelies, Possibles, and Reaches. That’s why many students have been receiving “Admitted!” messages for a while, some with scholarships for over $100,000 over four years. And yes, some of those are Reaches.
When students set their hearts on Unlikely colleges (those which deny 85% plus applicants), I try to help them manage expectations. “Unlikely” colleges are truly “Wild Cards.” Every applicant is highly qualified, and may include up to 26,000+ valedictorians, an equal number of salutatorians, and students from all over the globe, many of whom have won academic competitions and published notable work.
While we all hope for good news, assuming admission is unrealistic. It may feel personal, but it is not. Institutional priorities dictate if a school is looking for students to fill their new data science major, more tuba players, or more kids from Idaho.
I make clear that the competition in an uber-competitive program (i.e., a STEM field like Computer Science or Engineering) in a most-selective institution is brutal. Admissions must make tough decisions among the highest achievers in the field–in the US and internationally. And while admission to some colleges seems achievable, applying to the business school may result in a denial.
A few students were deferred from a college that defers 90% of its applicants every year. I am relieved that although they were disappointed, they were not shocked.
Denials and deferrals are part of the college application process.
“If you are denied, repeat this mantra: ‘There will be other, better colleges for me and it is their loss.’ LET IT GO. Don't obsess about why it happened. It is out of your control. And most importantly, this is NOT a referendum on your success at college, your ability to have a happy life or your value as a person.”
I’m rooting for you, from now through May 1st.
Enjoy the holidays--give yourself a break from college talk!
Congratulations to my seniors who have been admitted to your ED and EA colleges!
As Early Decision admission decisions roll in, the understandable confusion from parents, counselors, and students rolls in behind them. Few are questioning acceptances; it’s the denials (imprecisely called “rejections” by students and families) that cause the stress.
We’re talking about the most highly selective colleges everyone talks about. Those of us who sit on stage at high school events where stressed parents (and by osmosis, their stressed children) ask, “What do colleges want?” or “Why is it so hard to get into <insert most selective college name>?”
At these colleges, your ability to control things is less than you think:
Who reads your file: The admissions office may have dozens (or more) first readers. That person is subject to all the biases and random events that affect attitude on any day. The day your file pops up, they could have gotten praise from a boss, or their dog might have died. They might love your sarcastic and ironic tone, or it might cause them to stop reading your file before finishing your essay.
When your file gets read: Your file might pop up after the application of a brilliant researcher or the one who submitted the worst essay of the year. It might get read at 10 am on a Tuesday, or 4pm on a Friday, with dozens more to read before the reader can knock off for the weekend.
What other people say about you: Your letter of recommendation might not be glowing, even though the teacher who submitted it loved you. When I worked at Grinnell, an Iowan student’s teacher wrote “She’s not afraid to ask questions if she doesn’t understand the content.” Any Iowan would recognize that as a compliment. But one faculty member from Brooklyn, New York) read this and said, “Clearly, this student is slow on the uptake."
Whether your grandparents’ have their name on a campus building: If your name is Barney Rubble VI, and the library is named “The Betty and Barney Rubble IV Memorial Library,” your file will get more attention, even before the Advancement Office signs the deal on the Pebbles and Bam-Bam Rubble Recreation Center. (Yes, Bam-Bam was actually named Barney Rubble V, and he and Pebbles did marry after the series ended.) These days, a nine figure donation definitely moves the needle.
It's usually not about your application at all.
The lesson here is that you will never know why you were not admitted; it’s almost never one factor. And you won’t know if you missed it by a hair or a mile. It is perhaps a cruel but poignant lesson that will be repeated many times in your life. Sometimes things don’t go your way. And even when they don’t, they usually turn out just fine because of who you are.
This has been edited/rewritten for length and clarity from a post of Jon Boeckenstedt, a respected university admissions professional.