Congratulations to my seniors who have been admitted to your ED and EA colleges!
As Early Decision admission decisions roll in, the understandable confusion from parents, counselors, and students rolls in behind them. Few are questioning acceptances; it’s the denials (imprecisely called “rejections” by students and families) that cause the stress.
We’re talking about the most highly selective colleges everyone talks about. Those of us who sit on stage at high school events where stressed parents (and by osmosis, their stressed children) ask, “What do colleges want?” or “Why is it so hard to get into <insert most selective college name>?”
At these colleges, your ability to control things is less than you think:
Who reads your file: The admissions office may have dozens (or more) first readers. That person is subject to all the biases and random events that affect attitude on any day. The day your file pops up, they could have gotten praise from a boss, or their dog might have died. They might love your sarcastic and ironic tone, or it might cause them to stop reading your file before finishing your essay.
When your file gets read: Your file might pop up after the application of a brilliant researcher or the one who submitted the worst essay of the year. It might get read at 10 am on a Tuesday, or 4pm on a Friday, with dozens more to read before the reader can knock off for the weekend.
What other people say about you: Your letter of recommendation might not be glowing, even though the teacher who submitted it loved you. When I worked at Grinnell, an Iowan student’s teacher wrote “She’s not afraid to ask questions if she doesn’t understand the content.” Any Iowan would recognize that as a compliment. But one faculty member from Brooklyn, New York) read this and said, “Clearly, this student is slow on the uptake."
Whether your grandparents’ have their name on a campus building: If your name is Barney Rubble VI, and the library is named “The Betty and Barney Rubble IV Memorial Library,” your file will get more attention, even before the Advancement Office signs the deal on the Pebbles and Bam-Bam Rubble Recreation Center. (Yes, Bam-Bam was actually named Barney Rubble V, and he and Pebbles did marry after the series ended.) These days, a nine figure donation definitely moves the needle.
It's usually not about your application at all.
The lesson here is that you will never know why you were not admitted; it’s almost never one factor. And you won’t know if you missed it by a hair or a mile. It is perhaps a cruel but poignant lesson that will be repeated many times in your life. Sometimes things don’t go your way. And even when they don’t, they usually turn out just fine because of who you are.
This has been edited/rewritten for length and clarity from a post of Jon Boeckenstedt, a respected university admissions professional.
One thing that parents and students can do to prepare for decisions is to have realistic expectations. This advice is good for all, but is especially relevant for high-achieving students, ones who rarely hear a "no", and who are often wildly successful in all their endeavors....until it comes to college admissions.
Managing expectations can be incredibly difficult. Parental pressure, external pressure from peers who know how brilliant, gifted, accomplished, talented you are, internal pressure on oneself, and pressure from other adults who can't imagine you not getting into the most selective colleges. It makes things harder when students hear repeatedly about what stand-outs they are, and how they deserve to get into, and/or will undoubtedly get into, the most competitive schools in the country.
The best defense against unrealistic expectations is a good offense. Gathering the most recent admit rates to potential colleges is a start, but that number doesn’t tell you everything.
Many schools admit directly into certain majors. Understand that certain majors are incredibly competitive, and will lower an already low admit rate at some schools. At UCLA, the overall admit rate for fall 2023 was only 9%. However, the admit rate for Computer Science was 3.1%. While it’s not possible to gather this information for every school, know that "hot" majors are nursing, engineering, biology, psychology, business, certain arts majors, and of course–computer science. Understand that admission to Computer Science at any “most selective” school will be statistically close to impossible.
Top American colleges admit students HOLISTICALLY. This isn't to judge the admissions process; it's to help families understand its complexity so they can go into application season with healthy expectations. Admissions decisions may not seem to make sense, and often, there's time and energy spent trying to figure out why a student wasn’t admitted somewhere when someone else the student knows (usually someone who appears "less qualified") did get in. We’ll dig deeper next week in Healthy Expectations, Part 2.
As notifications begin and continue to roll out in the coming weeks, I’d like to share a couple of thoughts with you.
Remember that you have worked hard not only throughout the college application season but throughout your entire high school experience. Despite the challenges of a non-traditional freshman year impacted by remote and hybrid learning, you have been and will continue to be successful in your life. The admissions decisions you receive from colleges will never change that fact.
You may receive a decision you’re not happy with…a deferral or a denial. If that happens, I will share in your disappointment. I’ll help you deal with deferrals. If you were denied, I urge you to not over analyze the situation to try to figure out why you were not admitted. The odds are that it had very little to do with you personally.
There is no magic formula for how colleges come to their admissions decisions. Each one is trying to create an incoming class that fits their institutional priorities and needs. At very selective colleges, there are so many qualified applicants that colleges must make the very difficult decision of whom to admit. Remind yourself that you’ve submitted your best application and that the decisions are not within your control.
While that decision will hurt, you will get through it. That certainly isn’t meant to minimize any disappointment. Rather, it is to try to help you keep it all in perspective. I am here for you if you’d like to talk through it.
On the other hand, you may receive the decision you’ve been dreaming about. If that happens, I will share in your excitement! Be proud of your accomplishment. Please also be humble. Some of your classmates may not have received the same exciting news that you did. Keep that in perspective as well.
I am proud of each of you. You have committed many, many hours to this process, and it is an honor to be on this journey with you. We are just getting started! I wish you all the best as you will await these decisions, and I look forward to hearing your news.